Heretical Fishing

Book 2: Chapter 59: Breakthrough

With the sun guiding our way, Barry, Theo, and I walked toward the ocean. The soft breeze blowing toward us was cool against my skin, the cold of night not yet banished by the day’s warmth. The air went still, letting the sound of softly crashing waves reach us. I focused on the sand beneath my feet and the whitewash calling out to us as I thought of how to start.

Before I knew it, we were at the water. We sat down just above the lapping tide, close enough that it would reach our feet if we stayed too long.

“So,” Barry said, taking a sip of his coffee. “What about your relationship with Maria has been bothering you?”

Gulls called from above as they soared on unseen winds, their shrill noises calming as they melded with the ever-churning ocean.

I let out a sigh.

“I’m not sure we even have a relationship.” I swirled the coffee around my cup, staring down at the golden liquid. “We haven’t spoken about it.”

“Okay. Do you want one? With her?”

“I do, yeah, but it’s... complicated.”

Barry cocked his head.

I gave a humorless smile.

“You’re spearheading a cult that treats me as some sort of deity. You, of all people, should know.”

“First, it’s a church. Second, you’re trying to change the subject.”

“True,” Theo added, shooting me a wink.

“You brought us here because you wanted to speak, Fischer, and it sounds like that’s what you need.” His eyes bored into me, firm and unrelenting. “So, I ask again: how are things complicated?”

I opened my mouth to retort, but paused with my finger half raised. I wanted to tell him he was wrong, wanted to have a go at him for being so snippy, but then I thought about what he’d said. I closed my mouth, flexing my jaw as I mulled the words over.

“I hate that you’re right,” I admitted, giving an exaggerated pout.

Barry laughed, his serious facade falling away.

“I didn’t say it out of malice, Fischer. It’s easy to lean into anything else when you’re feeling vulnerable. But there’s no need to hide yourself from us, mate. Theo and I are your friends, and we want what’s best for you.”

“True,” Theo agreed, beaming a smile at me.

I returned it, then cast my eyes out to sea, taking a deep breath. I held it, focusing on the horizon as I counted to four in my head. When I let it out, it was slow and controlled, like exhaling through a straw. Before the calm could leave me, I answered honestly.

“I’m terrified. Of what I am—of what I could become.”

“Why does that scare you?” Barry asked, his voice patient. “Are you worried you could hurt her?”

I frowned.

“Well, I wasn’t before, but you’ve got a point...”

Barry shook his head at me, a wincing smile on his face.

“You’re changing the subject again.”

I sighed. “I suppose I was.”

I looked up at the sky above us, letting the sun warm my skin and ground me.

“I’m scared of what it means for her. I couldn’t care less about myself, mate. No matter what happens, I’ll have my animal pals. Even if the worst happens and you blokes manage to make me a god or whatever, I know they’ll always be there with me... but Maria...”

“You’re worried she’d stay behind?”

I chewed my lip. Was that what worried me? I’d been pushing the thoughts away for so long that I didn’t even know anymore. I always acknowledged and let them go, not wanting to dwell on the negative for too long. As if called by name, they once more rushed into my awareness. I didn’t push them away.

“Of course I’m scared of her staying behind—of her not choosing me, but isn’t everyone scared of that? The thought of letting someone in, of loving them entirely, but then being abandoned... it’s...” I winced. “It’s horrifying.”

Barry opened his mouth to respond, but I shook my head, my mind still processing my complex emotions.

“That’s not what has me frozen, though. It’s terrifying, sure, but it’s worth the risk. She’s worth the risk...”

I glanced up at Theo, then Barry, both of them nodding for me to continue.

“Maria has a family and a life here. If something happens and I’m forced to leave, it’s not that I’m worried she won’t choose me. It would suck, but that’s life. She’s her own person, after all. Still, I don’t want her to have to choose. It seems... unfair. Like there’s a power imbalance between us, and going further would be preying on that.”

The light feeling in my chest told me I was reaching the truth of it, but before I could continue, Theo laid a hand on my shoulder.

“Fischer...”

I raised an eyebrow at the stern glance he gave me.

“What?”

He looked at Barry, then back at me, his lips curling into a kind smile.

“You’re a moron.”

The statement, so abrupt and unexpected, made me bark a laugh.

“I know, but in this instance, why?”

He patted my shoulder twice, then pulled his hand back.

“Because you said it yourself. Maria is her own person. She has agency of her own life. You trying to shield her from loving you is possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

I didn’t respond right away, and Barry cleared his throat.

“Are you open to honest feedback, Fischer?”

“Of course, mate. That’s why you’re both here.”

He nodded.

“To expand on Theo’s point, it’s also rather... patronizing.”

“Patronizing...?”

He gave me a smile that didn’t take the sharpness from his words.

“Because you’re painting it as a kindness—something that you’re doing to protect her. As if you’re smarter than her and she couldn’t possibly make an informed decision, so you have to remove the possibility entirely.”

I sat back in the sand as if physically struck. I’d asked for their help, and neither of my friends had pulled their blows. Worse, they were right. The logic was sound. I was scared of placing Maria in a position that could hurt her, but she was brilliant, which was one of the reasons I had such strong feelings for her. Pulling back so she wouldn’t get hurt down the line was treating her as if she couldn’t be trusted to make her own choices. It was how you’d treat a child that wanted something to snack on before dinner.

I leaned forward on my knees, my eyes unfocused as I considered it more. Borks leaned into my lap. His tail wagged so vigorously that even his head shook, and I rested a palm atop it. Though the words of my friends hurt, my chest felt lighter than it had in weeks. There was still something there, though... a small weight lingering within me, pressing down on my core.

My eyebrow furrowed as I searched for what it was.

“Fischer...”

I glanced over at Theo.

“Yeah, mate?”

“You know I can tell when someone is being truthful, right?”

“Yeah?” Of course I knew that. “Why?”

He chewed his cheek, his face thoughtful.

“You weren’t being entirely truthful earlier.”

“What? When?”

His eyes darted to me, but drifted away just as fast.

“When you were talking about your fear... of being abandoned...”

“Huh? Yes I was.”

“... are you sure about that? Really sure?”

The weight inside me trembled. My hand drifted to my abdomen, resting on it. I had been telling the truth... hadn’t I? While I was scared of getting attached, it wasn’t the cause of my hesitation. As I thought about it, considering how it would feel if that eventuality came to be, it was like an icy hand gripped my heart. It squeezed, and my lungs went tight. The weight at my core responded, shaking and trying to get free.

“Oh...”

The feeling was a familiar one. It was how I felt when I thought about my mother leaving when I was a child. Of her abandonment, no matter how much my father had pushed her away.

“Shit...”

“Say it,” Theo encouraged. “If you’re comfortable to do so, I mean.”

I nodded, licking my lips.

“I wasn’t pushing her away because I wanted to protect her. Well, not only for that reason, anyway.” I swallowed, my mouth dry and chest tight. “It was to protect myself...”

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and slowly exhaled. The weight sitting on my core lifted. My skin prickled as it diffused, making its way from my abdomen out to my limbs. When it reached my toes and fingertips, the weight gathered, pooled, pushed at my pores, oozed through my skin…

… Oozed through my skin?

“What the...?” Barry asked.

I opened my eyes, frowning as I stared down at my hands. They were covered in a translucent, faintly glowing liquid. Not just my hands, either—my entire body, everywhere I’d felt the weight spread toward, was covered in drops of it. I shook an arm, but the drops didn’t move. I rubbed two fingers together, trying to test the consistency, but as I did, it started reabsorbing into me.

“What the frack is happening…?” I heard myself ask.

The viscous liquid was back within me in the blink of an eye, and it began retracing its path back toward my core. My ligaments shook as it crawled its way across them. With each part of my body it passed, the power grew, feeling like an ember, a flame, and then a roaring bonfire.

Something was coming.

“Get back!” I growled through gritted teeth.

“Fischer...?” Theo asked, his voice laden with care. “Are you—“

“Back!” I yelled.

The second warning was enough; Borks, Barry, and Theo dashed away, scrambling across the sand. The raging bonfire climbed down my chest, gathering fuel and heat as it went. Its edges flickered against my core, and then they were merging. It was too much power. It was too bright. Too hot. My body was burning up, unable to handle the sheer magnitude of the assault. I curled into a ball, my muscles aching from how tight they were.

Then, just as I thought I would explode, light did instead. It shone from my entire body, turning the world a blinding white. I was frozen in time, my friends’ positions locked as the light approached them. I’d felt this before, had light shoot from my body... but never like this. It just kept growing, kept expanding, kept—

Boooom!

A blast of unbelievable force exploded from me, disintegrating the sand at my feet. Despite having nothing to stand on, I remained suspended in the air, my limbs going numb as more power flowed out. The next thing I knew, I was in free fall.

***

“Back!”

The urgency in Fischer’s voice left no room for argument, so Barry took heed. He took off running, Theo and Borks at his side as he dashed away. With his back still turned, he felt the moment the chi exploded from Fischer, the force resonating in his core. Milliseconds later, the blast hit his body. He was flung forward, swept off his feet as the world turned to a blur. A wall of purple appeared in his path; Barry flew into it, the world turning from yellow sand and blue skies to a murky darkness.

He slammed into something firm, the air getting knocked from his lungs and vision going black. Sand was everywhere, flung up by the explosion and settling within his clothing. He rolled to the side, coughing and spluttering. A canine snout wedged itself under his abdomen and helped him sit upright, then Borks licked his face as Barry’s vision and awareness slowly returned.

“What was that...?” Theo groaned from beside him, also getting help from Borks.

The dust in the air settled, and Barry blinked at the surrounding room. They were within Borks’s spatial room, and realization struck. The purple wall had been Borks opening a portal before them, and the firm object he’d hit was the back wall. Barry recalled the force they’d been struck with—if he hadn’t been a cultivator, he would have died on the spot. If Borks hadn’t opened the portal, all three of them could have torn through Tropica’s buildings like a scythe through wheat.

Seeing that both he and Theo were well, Borks let out a bark and dashed out through the portal, disappearing from sight. Barry stood slowly, then held out a hand for Theo. With a grunt, he pulled the man to his feet.

They both ambled toward the exit, leaning on each other for support.

***

Weightlessness settled over me. My entire body tingled in a pleasant manner as I fell through space, descending for what felt like an eternity. I kept falling, faint whispers of wind tickling my—

“Oof!”

I slammed back-first into the wet sand, forcing the air from my lungs. I squinted out, seeing the blue sky through a dissipating cloud of dust. Time felt... odd. It wasn’t traveling as fast as it should, but with each passing second, I got the sensation that it was returning to normal. The soft sound of water called out to me—the ocean. I relaxed, content with just bathing in the sounds of the world—but then they came to meet me.

A tsunami of ocean water crashed down onto me, catching me just as I’d gone to take in a slow breath. Some got into my lungs. I coughed and spluttered, forcing the salty liquid from my throat with what little air I had left. My body was spinning, caught in the inexorable swirl of the surrounding water. With my chest screaming for oxygen and my limbs grasping for purchase, a red-hot coal of panic glowed within me.