Heretical Fishing

Book 3: Chapter 1: Home Sweet Home

When I arrived at the meeting place, a blur of blonde hair and cute freckles flew at me.

“Oof!” I said, bracing myself as Maria slammed into my chest.

“How did it go? Is everyone okay? Did you get the bushes? What happened? Was that your blast? The big white pillar that lit up the sky?”

“Whoaaa,” I laughed, holding up both hands at the barrage of questions. “One at a time.”

“Sorry.” She squeezed my chest hard enough that I thought she might crack a rib. “I was just anxious without—oof!”

My revenge arrived in the form of a golden retriever. Brigadier Borks slammed into her side, just as excited to see her as she was to see me.

“Borks!” she ran her hands through his hair, but quickly regretted the decision. “Why are you covered in mud?”

Too excited to answer, he rained down a barrage of licks on her chin, which she only moderately succeeded in escaping. When Borks had finally calmed down, Maria stood, stretched, and froze.

“Fischer…”

“Who is that?”

“Who, him?” I asked, pointing to the armorer guard that had left Gormona with me. “That’s Deklan. He’s my new friend.”

“New... friend?”

“Yeah. Might be a best friend in the making, but don’t tell Theo that.” I spun toward him. “Deklan. Mate. This is my girlfriend, Maria.”

“Nice to meet you,” Deklan replied, a little too nonchalant considering he’d just witnessed Maria and Borks exhibiting very cultivatory movements.

“A pleasure, Deklan.” She strode forward and held out a hand. “So, what did you do to earn best-friend-in-the-making status with Fischer?”

Deklan shook her hand. “I’m not too sure.”

“Get this,” I said, leaning in close. “Deklan here likes the idea of fishing.”

Rather than the excitement I expected, Maria narrowed her eyes at me. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Just living life and finding fishermen everywhere.”

“There are more fishermen?” Deklan asked.

“Of course there are more fishermen.” Maria shook her head and blew air through her fringe. “Fischer seems to create them out of thin air.”

“Hey, you’re one of them,” I added, nudging her side.

“Huh.” Deklan chewed his lip in thought. “You made it sound relaxing, so it’s right up my alley, but I thought it wouldn’t be too popular.” He waved his hands vaguely. “Because of the whole going-against-the-gods thing, you know?”

“And that doesn’t bother you?” Maria asked.

“Why should it?” He shrugged. “They’re gone. When you really think about it, it’s weirder that others do care.”

“See?” I grinned at Maria. “Best friend in the making.”

“Poor Theo is going to be heartbroken,” she sighed. “Speaking of—should we check on them?”

“Check on who?” Deklan asked.

“Oh, right.” I patted Borks on the head. “Don’t be surprised, but Borks kind of has a pocket-dimension-ability-thing going on. We have a bunch of people in there right now. Probably a bunch of stolen artifacts, too.”

“Oh, did you take the artifacts that listed all your abilities and stuff?”

“Yeah, those ones. That was the whole—” I whirled on him. “Wait, you know about that?”

“Yeah. I was the guard assigned to them.”

Maria and I blinked at each other, then burst into laughter.

“This is too good,” she said. “I have so many questions to ask you.”

“We should wait until we get back. We’ve already wasted too much time here and Ellis will definitely want to hear the effect our names have had.”

A sound like cracking glass came from beside us as Borks tore open his portal.

“Whoa...” Deklan said, staring at the purple and black void.

“Back in a moment, mate.” I stepped through, and the moment I did, an animated conversation came to an abrupt halt.

“Our Domain is far superior—oh. Hello, Fischer,” Ellis said, nodding at me. He looked ridiculous in his lizard outfit, but that was neither here nor there.

“Just checking in before we head back to Tropica. Are you guys all good?”

“We are,” Barry replied. “Have Pelly and Bill arrived yet?”

“Not yet, mate. We’ll leave the moment they do.”

Barry nodded. “How about you? No issues?”

“Yeah, no issues,” I lied, pointedly not mentioning the dozens of extra cultivators I’d brought along for the ride.

The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

Theo’s eyebrow twitched. He’d clearly read the lie, but didn’t mention it.

Thank you, mate, I thought, grateful for his discretion.

“Okay, I’ll get back outside, then. See you back in...” I trailed off, staring at Pistachio and the crab he was restraining. “You guys, uh, sure everything is okay?”

Rocky hissed a slew of insulting bubbles at me, earning himself a whack from Snips’s claw.

“Nothing serious,” Barry said. “Rocky is just a little upset he wasn’t thrown over the horizon for his crimes against humanity.”

“Oh. So nothing new, then?”

“Exactly.”

“Sweet. See you guys in a few hours.”

I turned to leave, but a furious scuttling drew my attention. I spun just in time to catch Snips as she launched herself into my arms.

“I missed you too, Snips,” I laughed, rubbing the top of her carapace. “Will I be seeing more of you now that the operation is over?”

She nodded violently, her entire body bobbing up and down.

“Glad to hear. Now that I think about it, how would you like to run back to Tropica with us?”

Her eye lit up, and her hiss of approval was basically a roar.

“You all good with Rocky, Pistachio?”

The lobster, still calm despite holding a murderous crab, nodded his head.

“Right. Let’s hit it, Snips.”

She launched from my arms, sailing through the portal before me.

In the moment it took me to join her, she had discovered Deklan. Snips stared up at him, cocking her head to the side as she took him in.

“Er...” Deklan said, looking a little unsure of himself.

“He’s a friend, Snips. This is Deklan.” I grinned at the curiosity held in her eye. “Deklan, this is Sergeant Snips, my violently-capable-guard-crab turned powerful spirit beast.”

I’m pretty sure he said some sort of greeting, but I didn’t hear it. In the far distance, I saw an unmistakable sight, and between us and the cultivator-filled net, a devious being approached.

I bent my legs and braced my core just in time to catch Corporal Claws as she struck me like a meteor. Even if I hadn’t felt the excessive chi she traveled with, her mischievous grin was enough to warn me. I slid back through the clearing, my feet tearing grass and soil up. When I skidded to a stop, I pulled her into a tight hug.

“Good to see you too, Claws. I’m guessing it all went well?”

Yes! she chirped, rubbing her cheeks against mine.

Pelly and Bill arrived a moment later, lowering their net to the ground. Cinnamon unleashed a mighty peep as she launched herself at Maria, who caught her. Both of their smiles were radiant, but Maria’s slowly melted away.

“Uhhh... are all those people cultivators?” Maria asked.

“Yep!”

“That’s way too many, isn’t it?”

“Yep!”

She gave me a flat stare. “You couldn’t leave them, could you?”

“Nope!”

She laughed and strode over, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks!” I pulled her into a hug. “Let’s hope Barry feels the same way.”

Claws hopped down from our cuddle and ran over to Deklan. She held a paw up toward him, and when he hesitantly took it, she dragged him over to the cultivators.

Look! she chirped, gesticulating at a man with long brown hair. There was a new addition to Deklan’s brother’s hair: a pink bow, meticulously tied.

“You... gave him a bow?” Deklan asked.

She nodded vehemently, then arched her head toward him, gazing up expectantly.

“She is demanding pets for her hard work,” Maria giggled.

Still staring at his brother, Deklan obliged her demands.

Pelly and Bill were standing off the side, so I walked over to them. “Come here, you two.”

They stared up at me, still looking a little awkward, so I scooped them both up into a hug. With a bird under each arm, I went over to Deklan, nodding for Snips to follow. After Introducing them all—and letting Deklan softly pat their heads—I put them both down.

“Okay, gang. Here’s the plan. Deklan, unless you want to be carried by me like a princess, I think you should sit on the net and let Pelly and Bill fly you back to Tropica. Claws and Cinnamon, I want you on the net to keep him safe in the off chance he falls off.”

“... falls off?” Deklan asked, some of his calm demeanor vanishing.

“Don’t worry. Pelly and Bill are gonna be going super fast, but any of the four animal pals along for the ride could—and would—save you.”

“Can’t he go in Borks’s portal?” Maria asked.

“And subject him to Ellis’s non-stop questioning?”

“Huh. Good point.”

“For what it’s worth,” Deklan said, “flying actually sounds pretty cool.”

I grinned. “It’s sorted, then. You guys get going and we’ll follow.”

Deklan started climbing the net, but then Cinnamon expedited the process.

Seeing a bunny as big as Deklan’s boot carry him to the top of the rigid net in a single bound was just as funny as you’d imagine, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the surprise on his face. Pelly and Bill took hold of the net and flew skyward, gaining altitude before they shot off with their empowered wings.

“Whoooooaaa!” Deklan yelled as they rocketed through the sky, his voice trailing off the further away they got.

“He’s a lot of fun,” Maria said, watching them go.

“Right?” I agreed. Maria, Snips, Borks and I were the only ones left, and I shot them a smirk. “We don’t need to hold back this time—we’ll be traveling home as fast as we can.”

Their eyes lit up, reflecting just how I felt.

“On your mark, get set—”

Snips shot away, water chi roiling from her joints.

“Cheater!” Maria and I both yelled.

Borks let out a shocked growl too, and all three of us tore off after Snips, chasing her hisses of victorious laughter.

The surrounding forest was a blur as we raced between trunks. We no longer had to keep our passage subtle, and our footfalls boomed through the trees. Barry’s planning had been meticulous, though, and Claws was already running distraction. I’d occasionally catch glimpses of her streaking through the sky as a bolt of lightning, misleading anyone that heard our thundering steps to assume they came from a passing storm.

When we got half way to Tropica, the night’s activities caught up to me.

“Can I ride you, Borks?” I asked.

He skidded to a stop and I leaped onto his back. The second I had my arms looped around his powerful neck, he was off.

“Cheaterrr!” Maria called as we shot past her, both giving her a wide grin.

Of the four of us, Maria had the weakest cultivation level. But that wasn’t a reflection of her; it was a reflection of Snips and Borks’s power. Their cores radiated chi as they raced through the forest, and unlike me, they didn’t grow tired. Before the first light of day had broken the eastern horizon, I caught sight of a familiar mountain range—my mountain range.

A thrill ran through me as I realized we were almost home, and only a couple of minutes later, the ocean came into view. It was lit by the crescent moon above, its surface calm and inviting. The sight of it made a deep contentment wash over me and a grin split my face.

That same grin dropped as I glanced toward Tropica. It was quiet, but it wasn’t the actual village that had caught my attention.

Borks, Maria, and Snips all skidded to a stop too, also noticing the anomaly.

“What the frack...?” Maria asked.

All I could do was shake my head as I took in the shape protruding into the sky.

“I have no idea...”