I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell

Accomplice I

I faced the worst enemy, the Outer God-class anomaly called ‘Infinite Void’, but I didn't respond immediately. Instead, I waited for the right moment. For an infinite regressor, ‘waiting’ is on a different level. Multiply the frustration and anxiety you feel when your food delivery is three minutes late by about 13 times, and you get the waiting experience of an infinite regressor. It truly requires superhuman patience.

During this period, I focused on maximizing my power.

Did I train in martial arts? Of course not. As Old Man Scho said, my combat sense was akin to a beaver's. It would be a mistake to underestimate the combat talent of someone born to be a supporter.

But even for me, or rather, because it was me, there was still a way to maximize my power.

“Master Noh Do-hwa.”

“......”

Noh Do-hwa’s expression was as usual. Meaning, her default expression was already one of utter disgust, so making it worse now would just add to the normality.

“Hey, why are you looking at me like I'm a piece of crap before I even said anything?”

“Because when you call me ‘Master Noh Do-hwa’ instead of ‘Chief Noh Do-hwa’, it usually means you’re about to talk about something personal……. And your personal grief, rage, vendetta, your ‘I’m-human’ pose, and the signal that you alone can recognize my humanity—those things evoke no feelings in me other than annoyance.”

“Master Noh Do-hwa. Haven’t you been working too hard lately? I happen to have some free time, so why don’t we take a vacation? A backpacking trip, just the two of us, like college friends.”

“You bastard…….”

“As expected. I knew you’d like it.”

Thus, Noh Do-hwa and I went on a trip.

If it had been after the 380th cycle when I established ‘Idea Ranch’, we could have traveled riding dinosaurs together (we actually did that later), but unfortunately, we were only in the 100th cycle at this point.

Had I been alone, I would have used something like a lightweight flight technique to move swiftly. If Noh Do-hwa hadn’t been my companion, I would have given her a piggyback ride to enjoy the speed together.

The latter solution was rejected again when Noh Do-hwa shyly remarked, “Oh, if you wanted to see me commit suicide, you should’ve said so from the beginning.” What a bashful person.

Therefore, our means of transportation had to be extremely limited. Finding the best possible solution despite these difficulties proves my dignity as a regressor.

Vroom... vroom...

Noh Do-hwa had a plain expression as she rode the means of transportation with me.

“Regressor Undertaker……”

“Yes?”

“Is this really the best method……?”

“Yes.”

Vroom... vroom...

“No matter how scarce fuel is, shouldn’t there be something more plausible like a dump truck, or can’t you use the National Road Management Corps resources or your miraculous regressor powers? Even a bicycle would be better……”

“Oh, you’re such a joker. We’re traveling for personal reasons, so we shouldn’t deplete the corps’ resources. Bicycles would break quickly on rough roads, making them useless.”

Vroom... vroom...

“But for fuck’s sake……. Seriously. Where the hell did you get this damn yogurt cart?”

Indeed.

We were currently riding the world’s first and only Près Manager exclusive rideable refrigerated electric cart, the 3rd generation model, Coco (Cold&Cold) 3.0.

Also known as the ‘Yogurt Lady Cart’. Its beautiful apricot-colored exterior and ability to seemingly teleport between neighborhoods made it a relic of ancient times.

I was driving while Noh Do-hwa sat on the cart. I had modified it with a top-quality cushion, so her butt wouldn’t hurt.

“Oh. Please refrain from using bad language. This is a ‘Yogurt Cart’ anomaly.”

“Anomaly……?”

“Yes. No matter how rough the road, it climbs without issue and arrives at its destination no matter how remote. Master Noh Do-hwa, have you ever seen a yogurt cart broken down or stranded on the road?”

“No, I haven’t…….”

“Exactly. Most Koreans have only observed yogurt carts being ‘just fine’. Even if it seems physically impossible for it to traverse a certain terrain, this anomaly produces the result that it ‘successfully made the journey’.”

“What nonsense……?”

“Watch.”

Vroom... vroom...

An asphalt road appeared before us. The cart bravely advanced on the road, which was so broken it was hard to tell if it was concrete or cookies.

Clunk, the cart's wheel fell into a concrete crack. Noh Do-hwa's complexion darkened.

“Oh, it fell……”

But the cart mysteriously adhered to the concrete surface and climbed back onto the normal track.

“…down?”

Its movement was extraordinary.

Even when the concrete was broken, the tiles were a mess, or tree roots were bulging out, the yogurt cart merely jolted slightly but continued without any problems.

It traveled well even on a national road so damaged that not even cars or most people could traverse it.

Truly the pinnacle of Korean engineering. An SSS-class lost technology artifact.

“Huh? What is this idiotic……?”

“This is the yogurt cart anomaly. Master, feel free to praise me.”

“Wait, does this thing move without any power or charging……?”

“Yep. Moreover, the fridge Master Noh Do-hwa is sitting on keeps drinks or food from spoiling. Even meat in a yogurt-shaped container can be preserved for over a year.”

“Holy shit. If you had such a great item, you should’ve informed the National Road Management Corps instead of playing backpacking cosplay. We need to collect and distribute these carts nationwide. This could revolutionize logistics in this shitty era, and it could even serve as a wheelchair for the elderly……”

“Ah. There’s only one.”

“…….”

“I tried to test if it could be mass-produced by collecting relatively intact carts, but the only one that exists as an anomaly is this one. So, I’m just using it as my beloved car.”

“Damn……”

Anyway, the two-person party, consisting of the shadowy mastermind and the overlord of the bright side, traveled without incident.

Though Noh Do-hwa grumbled, she enjoyed everything. After all, I luxuriously stocked the refrigerated cart with meats, vegetables, and various carbohydrates, cooking delicious meals each time we stopped.

“Did you know, Regressor Undertaker……?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re utterly useless in my life, but your cooking skills are national treasure level. Without that, I wouldn’t have treated you like a human……”

“……?”

As expected of Noh Do-hwa, who was born with ‘workaholic’ etched into her DNA, she must have been experiencing burnout symptoms while managing the National Road Management Corps.

As our enjoyable camping trip extended from one day to two, then three, and more, Noh Do-hwa’s face became serene. The fatigue and grime accumulated in her heart were washed away.

I was remarkably adept at comforting and caring for weary hearts.

“Hey, you damn regressor bastard. How long are you going to roam around outside? If the Samcheon guild leader finds out, do you want to see me die?”

“……?”

Finally, on the sixth day of our trip, we arrived at our destination.

The Taebaek Mountains, Jeongseon.

Once the most famous mining area for Koreans (now famous for other reasons), Noh Do-hwa showed a typically plain expression.

“What kind of backwater is this……?”

“As you can see, it’s a village.”

A village had formed around the mines in Jeongseon. The terrain was quite unique.

A large cave was hollowed out in the middle of a cliff-like mountain slope, and village buildings grew like mushrooms inside it.

You could call it a mining village. The feng shui only took the first part of the “mountain behind, water in front” principle.

“The houses are made of stone……?”

“They used fireproof materials. Not a bad construction choice.”

“The villagers seem abnormally short……?”

“In this era, being large just means eating more useless nutrition, so they’ve convergently evolved.”

“All the residents have bushy beards……”

“It’s a way to maintain constant body temperature. The villagers have excellent adaptability to the environment.”

“They’re midgets, aren’t they……?”

Hmm.

I nodded.

“They are often called that. But calling them midgets is a bit weird, isn’t it? Please use the term ‘Dwarf’ instead.”

“You said we were going backpacking, but you brought me to a top-tier void where different species exist, you crazy bastard……”

Dwarves. A staple in fantasy genres.

In every story, they are born with a national spirit of being ‘excellent blacksmiths’. Thus, the masterpieces they create are treated as relics of lost technology, much like the yogurt cart we are riding.

Now you can guess why I came to this remote void in the Taebaek Mountains to enhance my power.

That’s right.

I came to get some equipment.

I first discovered this place, the so-called ‘Jeongseon Dwarf Mine’, in the 54th run.

At that time, I had just established the National Road Management Corps and was traveling across the country to complete the updated Daedongyeojido (Large Map of Korea).

The Jeongseon Dwarf Mine looked like it came straight out of fiction.

Sounds of metal clanging and dwarves bustling around could be heard from all directions.

Despite the decline of the mining industry in the Taebaek Mountains, the dwarf village was constantly filled with the noise of pickaxes and hammers.

But the voids of this world are not that simple. This place, too, was not just an ordinary village despite its resurrection as a mining town.

“Hello?”

-…….

“Can you understand me? Hello? Can you recognize me?”

-…….

“A species inferior to elves. Your beard is very ugly.”

Clang!

The ‘dwarves’ hammered the anvil without any reaction, paying no attention to me.

In fact, if you looked closely, these dwarves deviated significantly from the typical image.

They had bushy beards, which was fine. But instead of eyes, they had ‘eye sockets’, and instead of mouths, they had ‘mouth holes’.

This wasn’t a play on words.

It meant they lacked eyelids and lips.

-……, …….

Clang, clang-!

Their arms were abnormally muscular like a statue of Hercules, creating a strangely unbalanced physique. Those muscular flesh lumps made eerie breathing sounds as they continuously hammered.

-O……. Oun……. O… O……

It wasn’t air stored in their lungs and released; it was as if their whole body was a leather drum, and air flowed from inside their bodies.

Not the breath of life but the whistle of the abyss.

“Hm.”

Even for me, the greatest linguistic genius in Earth’s history, Dwarvish seemed a bit challenging. Of course, it made sense. It wasn’t an Earthly language.

I felt regret.

‘If I could request a weapon from the dwarves, I could definitely get an effective sword against anomalies.’

After touring the entire mining village, I found that there were seven blacksmith dwarves, and none of them could communicate.

In the end, during the 54th run, I only identified the void’s location and left without any significant gain.

“Wait……”

Noh Do-hwa interrupted my story.

“Then why did we come to this backwater? They can’t speak, and they don’t make equipment for us……”

“Ah. It’s fine. I don’t intend to request weapons from the dwarves.”

“……? Then why?”

“Oh, think about it, master. Even if normal communication is impossible, if these beings truly mimic the dwarves from creations, wouldn’t their hammering and tanning hold significant secrets? Like how a protagonist can learn great techniques just by watching a swordmaster wield a sword, a great blacksmith could learn much from observing these dwarves’ hammering.”

“Huh……?”

“And the ores they’re hammering, those aren’t earthly minerals. They’re probably called things like adamantium. Naturally, the technology to smelt these ores into weapons is exclusively held by these dwarves, not modern Earthlings. To smelt these ores, a great blacksmith must learn from the dwarves.”

“……?”

“Oh, what a coincidence. Right before my eyes stands the most talented blacksmith in Korean history. In other words, the number one craftsman in Korea. Ta-da.”

“…….”

“Ta-da-a-an-”

“…….”

“…….”

“…….”

“…….”

“So, you want to learn how to work with some non-earthly ore by watching these non-communicative anomaly bastards hammer, and then you want me to craft an SSS-grade weapon for your use……?”

“Exactly.”

“Please, just die.”

“Oh, you said the same thing last run.”

“……?”

“Last time, I just carried you here on my back in less than a day. So you strangled me to death, asking if I thought you were a joke and to see if I’d really die. I didn’t expect you to actually kill me, but anyway. This time, I brought the yogurt cart anomaly so you could come comfortably. Didn’t I do well?”

“You damn crazy bastard――”

I was strangled.

This time, I didn’t die.

Footnotes:

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