The Beautiful Monster

"It's finally here," she said as she glanced around at all the other graduates. She hated how this day felt ruined to her.

She worked so hard to make it here, but everything went down the drain at the last second.

She wasn't prepared to feel this way today. She thought that things would be different.

"And we're going to party hard tonight," Zoe said with a bright smile. She handed Cole her phone. "Can you take some pictures of us, babe?"

Cole smiled and nodded as he lifted her phone up.

Zoe leaned near Alyssa's ear.

"Smile. When you're happy and successful in the future, you don't want to look back and see how much he ruined this for you," she whispered.

Alyssa met Zoe's gaze for a moment and nodded. She didn't need to let Elias ruin anything else for her. She smiled at the camera.

It was a fake one, but it was a smile, and she wouldn't be able to tell the difference years from now. Hopefully, this would feel like a small problem in the future. Right now, it felt like a catastrophe.

"Alright. Got some good ones," Cole said before handing the phone back to Zoe.

Zoe thanked him before turning back to Alyssa.

"Hanging in okay?" she asked.

Alyssa shrugged.

"Just trying to make it through," she admitted. She couldn't completely lie to Zoe. She would see right through her fake smiles and empty words. She was trying, though.

Zoe nodded as she reached up to adjust Alyssa's cap on her head.

"It'll get easier with time. Even now, you're healing. Even if it doesn't feel like it," she replied.

Alyssa nodded, hoping that was true. She was starting to feel numb to the pain that she felt, and maybe that was for the best.

She didn't need to let her emotions ruin more things for her. She had a lot of business to take care of soon.

"I think we can go inside," she said as she nodded to the door that graduates were starting to walk through to get into the arena.

Zoe motioned for everyone to follow her inside.

Alyssa glanced around as they walked on the floor of the arena. The seats all around them were filled with proud families.

For a second, her heart ached because no one was up there for her, but she expected that. She knew that would happen the moment she enrolled in college. At least she had Zoe and Cole. She had someone.

She walked to her seat, which was away from Zoe and Cole. She promised to meet them after the ceremony for more pictures. Taking more photos sounded torturous, but she would push through for her future self.

She had to learn how to handle pain better because there would be a lot in her life. She had learned that early on.

Once she found her seat, she sat down and glanced around, watching all of the other graduates rush to find their seats before the ceremony started.

She was ready to get this over with. She wanted this day to end. She wanted to get out of this town and away from this university. She was ready to start over.

*******

"Go forth with bravery and passion. There is no one stopping you but yourself," the President of the university announced, making his speech before the diplomas were awarded.

"Remember to be kind, to be compassionate. You never know what someone is going through. How you treat others will circle back to you in due time."

Alyssa couldn't help but wonder what Elias was doing right now. Was he at his parents' house? Was he thinking about her, knowing that she was at graduation right now?

She just wanted to know what was going on in his mind because she obviously didn't understand him and who he was.

She spent a few years with him, and she still felt like she didn't truly get to know him. He kept her in the dark, keeping her just close enough to satisfy her.

Then, he pushed her away, and she fell. She had certainly hit the bottom, and she wasn't sure how she would make her way back up.

The top seemed so far away, but she had to make it there. She couldn't stay on the bottom forever.

"Will those accepting the baccalaureate degree of science please come to the stage?" the President asked, prompting the crowd of families to cheer in excitement. It was finally time. After four years, it was time.

Alyssa was a few rows back from Zoe, so she would get to see Zoe accept her diploma. She stood with the rest of her row, slowly shuffling forward as everyone moved to line up.

She expected to feel her heart start to race, but she still didn't feel anything. She just moved and went with the motions. At least she had broken her heels in.

She lined up along the side of the arena, seeing a photo booth up ahead where they were having students pose with a fake diploma.

She grimaced, already feeling tired of taking photos. She didn't need more memories of this day. She was sure that she would remember it quite well.

Once she approached the photo booth, a man with a camera came up to her and escorted her in front of the white backdrop. He handed her the fake diploma and motioned for her to pose.

"Alright, smile!" he said as he lifted his camera.

Alyssa forced herself to smile for the camera. The flash filled her vision with light, making her blink her eyes a few times as she stumbled back into the line.

That was unpleasant. She rubbed her eyes and looked toward the stage as Zoe got prepared to make the walk.

"Zoe Kline."

Alyssa smiled a little and clapped from where she stood in line as she watched Zoe strut across the stage to accept her diploma.

It was exactly how she pictured Zoe getting her diploma, which actually made her feel a little better. At least some things were happening as she expected them to.

Gradually, Alyssa crept forward in the line. She pictured this moment for so long. Of course, the ceremony that would matter the most was when she was given her white coat.

Then, she would really know that she was achieving her dreams. That was still a little ways off, but this diploma was the stepping stone to that point.

Deep down, past the pain, she was proud of herself. Despite everything that happened to her, she was still here, receiving her diploma.

Her hard work had paid off, and even if things were different than how she imagined them to be, she was still here. She supposed that was the only thing that mattered at the end of the day.

She carefully stepped up on the steps that led to the stage, being mindful of her footing. She broke in the heels, but she still wasn't the best at walking in them.

She just hoped that she didn't wipe out when she crossed that stage to get her diploma. She didn't need to regret another thing about this day. It was already haunted enough.

Alyssa handed her name card to the person reading the names off and waited, drawing in a deep breath through her nose.

These next steps were meaningful, and they were also difficult. She was walking into her new life by herself, but at least she was moving forward.

At least she was still fighting for the life she wanted. She would just have to deal with the gaping hole in her heart along the way.

"Alyssa Morgan. Highest honors."

End of Volume 1. Volume 2 will start on October 1.