There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.

Chapter 127: Gam Ham Time

I miss the days when it was just me... hating the world. Watching Delta blow things up.

Nu’s complaining was audible through heavy beeping and typing notes. His form had reverted back to his screen form.

No one barged in. Everything made sense. No one turned me into a person.

Delta drummed her fingers as she waited. The secret garden was devoting its full power to sustaining Hero who was in some sort of ‘recharging coma’ when the raid boss mode was turned off.

“Everyone barged in. Stop editing history,” Delta said as she watched Lorsa explore the space with delight and slight... fear.

“The rules are so loose here. It’s uncomfortably close to Dungeons that turn into Abominations,” the woman commented. Delta couldn’t stop looking at her.

She was a core... on legs.

It was mind-boggling to Delta who hadn’t really ‘moved’ since she woke up. Just rearranged some bits and grew into herself.

Lorsa was a slim woman. A picturesque image of the ‘elven’ woman. Too impossible to exist, yet she did. It was a little ruined since Delta could really ‘see’ her. This form was not gained by any diet or workout or even a gifted bloodline. Her entire body had been ‘crafted’ with perfectionism that spoke of godly influence... or a Dungeon with too much time.

In the centre of Lorsa, not quite her heart or stomach... fragments of a brilliant diamond core were being held together by dozens of mana strings from other Dungeons. Like a bandaid over a hole in one’s stomach.

Red, blue, green, gold... gold was the majority of the strings, but there were dozens of other tiny little efforts here and there. Fewer colours, more ideas.

Smoke, lava, clouds, darkness, beast.

Lorsa has been in contact with what seemed like every Dungeon ever.

Each piece so delicately weaved that one mishap would unravel Lorsa like a dream.

“You’re staring,” Lorsa called over, sounding amused. Delta blinked, feeling a flush on her neck at being caught.

“I’ve never… met a Dungeon core beside myself,” Delta said quickly. Nu had gone quiet, listening.

“I would imagine so. Fairplay has done their best to shatter the Core Network in key places,” Lorsa said, tone shifting to annoyance. She picked up a Pigglecap with a confused look.

“What function does this serve?” she asked suddenly. Delta blinked.

“It’s cute,” she offered. Lorsa took a long moment to answer.

“...Acceptable answer,” she said and Delta watched her use some of her own energy... no, that wasn’t right.

Lorsa focused and golden mana flowed, a borrowed reserve from another core.

A chair with rubies and gaudy golden etchings appeared in the garden. Delta didn’t think Lorsa was so...

Interesting to like such a chair.

At Delta’s pointed look, the woman coughed.

“Yal, his mana is... snobbish,” she muttered, trying to get comfortable, and failing, on the chair.

“Mana has vibes?” Delta asked, excited to have someone else who was going through this Dungeon thing. She floated down and when she made a chair, a mushroom the size of a small car popped out of the ground.

Lorsa’s smile was mysterious, her pale blue eyes too old for the youthful face.

“You would have noticed. Your own is...” Lorsa trailed off, looking for the best word.

---

In the claimed lab, orange waves charged into battle, waving arms that didn’t exist as they tried to consume the stupid tree!

“For Delta!” the head of the assault cried.

The room rippled in an echoing chant.

“Shrooms for the Shroom Dungeon! FRIENDSHIP FOR THE DELTA!”

---

“Excitable,” Lorsa said finally.

You’re being too kind. The word you’re looking for is ‘Invasive and infectious’.

Lorsa turned her eyes to Nu’s screen, her face frowning as she tried to understand something.

She focused and from her hand, a white screen manifested in the air above her palm. It was so pale it looked like snow freshly formed. It crackled slightly as if it was getting a bad signal.

Nu’s next sarcastic comment died as he came to face-to-face with another Menu system.

It was blank... unassuming... and very much unalive.

“I’m not sure to praise you or fear you that you managed to break the system so badly that it gained thought. It’s slightly... obscene, but I am old. Perhaps this is the future?” Lorsa said quietly as her own screen flicked through windows and options with minimal input from Lorsa.

Nu’s screen flickered as old pain rose up from within him. Crackling and static as he lost himself in old memories. Delta’s voice came out quiet.

“He’s not broken. He’s Nu,” was all she said and Lorsa paused... then nodded in apology.

“I can’t accuse anything of being broken. Not without being a hypocrite of the highest order,” Lorsa said and Delta decided she needed answers before Lorsa could drop any more vague-bombs.

“What's the Core-network... and what happened to you?” she asked, as kindly as she could. Lorsa kicked her feet a few times, bouncing her knee in thought.

If to answer? To leave? To lie?

Delta didn’t know until Lorsa spoke a few seconds later.

“The Core Network is basically a massive set of lines connecting every Dungeon to another. Dungeons are split into two groups. Unaware and awake. We are awake, but those without the ability to think higher thoughts beyond ‘eat, grow, kill’ are unaware. Those awake have power over the unaware such as using them as ‘nodes’ to stretch their own awareness. Even governing them in some ways,” Lorsa shifted to cross her legs, leather boots impossibly clean.

“Sounds a bit tyrannical,” Delta pointed out as the ‘walls’ of the secret garden showed a soft orange light.

“There is no choice. You cannot force growth and development. You can turn them feral or worse... break them. It’s why seeds need time, why children need to develop... why diamonds need pressure and time,” Lorsa replied, drinking wine from a bottle she pulled from thin air.

It still felt a little wrong to take away choice, even from feral kids, but Delta was a big softie so maybe she was overreacting.

“As for me? Well, Fairplay, a giant guild-turned-company came into my Dungeon, tricked me with an agreement after beating my bosses and when I had my back turned, scooped out the equivalent of my organs, leaving me a hollow husk that threw herself into the network as a last-ditch effort to survive,” she said calmly.

Delta shot Nu a look who did his version of a shrug.

“And... why did they do that?” Delta asked, hesitating slightly in case she upset her first core friend.

Lorsa thought about it.

“Honestly. I have two theories,” she admitted and held up two fingers, touching the first one.

“One, Fairplay is run by the Silence and their fanatical love of the fallen sibling. Meaning that destroying awake dungeons would not only weaken the body of the Brother further towards total collapse... but take back all the seeds I’ve purified over the years,” she listed, throwing out important words like Delta should have read the script by now.

She touched the other finger, silver hair moving as if it was programmed to do so since there was no ‘breeze’ in the secret garden.

“Two, they’re greedy humans who discovered the sheer mana power in Dungeon cores being led by a bigot who lost someone to a Dungeon and believes that they should control all Dungeons like farm animals and only they know best for the world,” she said with a shrug.

Lorsa thought about it.

“Both? Both sounds good,” she settled on and took a swig of her wine that would burn the paint off the walls.

“...I have a lot of questions,” Delta said, brain frying a little at the idea there was a whole world outside of her Dungeon she had been purposely ignoring.

“I thought breaking Dungeons was illegal? Like their cores, my friend Ruli told me that,” Delta insisted.

The woman winked.

“You’re welcome. That whole law came around due to my little incident. My Dungeon used to be about... well, not too far off from the World Tree. Back then, the tree didn’t suck up every leyline and mostly kept her attitude to herself. Now, there’s no energy around that entire area to support new Dungeons. That damn tree keeps burrowing deeper as well,” Lorsa said, cheeks going flush as she kept drinking.

That didn’t sound right.

“I met the tree recently. It’s a him,” Delta corrected. Lorsa stared, slowly shaking her head.

“No, it’s her. A giant cow that would wax poetics about eviscerating me, people, monsters... anything really. I haven’t been around that area since I can’t risk going where Leylines are dead,” she admitted.

Uh oh... that sounded familiar.

“Can you... come with me for a second?” Delta insisted and Lorsa raised a brow.

Delta was sure this wouldn’t take more than a few seconds to assure her that she was wrong...

---

Delta removed a finger with a wince.

“-AND THEN ROT FROM THE INSIDE WITH THE GOAT STILL ON FIRE!” Lorsa screamed, waving her bottle at Wyin. The tree’s entire upper half had turned a furious autumn red.

“You little hag...I’m going to-” Delta plugged her ears again with a sour expression.

Wyin’s voice was strong and Delta heard snippets of rusty wire, a reverse summoning spell, and something to do with scorpions.

“So... Wyin used to be the World Tree?” she called out, hoping to end the ‘discussion’ before the children came back up. They both turned to her.

“Yes/No!” they snapped. Lorsa nodding, Wyin huffing out a negative.

Delta stared, waiting.

“It’s complicated and my memory... my understanding is... flawed,” Wyin said irritably.

“Now who’s the hag?” Lorsa said, rolling her eyes as she walked around Wyin, sizing her up.

“I was stripped down to a mere seed. Less than a fragment, less than a soul. I am an echo... but now I am my own self,” Wyin said with a sigh. Lorsa shook her head in amazement.

“To grow this much from a different beginning... a different home... and yet to still be so similar,” she murmured

“I wanted to wait until I was... confident before I spoke of this,” Wyin said, indifferently to Delta

“I don’t mind. Sorry for rushing you,” Delta patted Wyin’s trunk with a smile. The boss blinked then looked away with an odd look.

“This raises questions. Who is the world tree now? Another version of yourself?” Lorsa came to a stop, her hood fluttering as if the material was lighter than air.

Delta could sense it would tank a hit from Fran with ease...

The question made Wyin’s face darken with hate.

“The name is lost to the fog of ‘before’. All I know is I let that worm too close to my heart. With a face so close to another I once loved... that she once loved. He broke my heart and I presume, is playing with the rotten thing as we speak,” Wyin turned, a snarl on her face but Delta didn’t move away.

She held one of Wyin’s thorny branches, the thorn unable to quite harm her avatar.

“You didn’t deserve that,” Delta whispered.

“And you didn’t deserve me, but we all must accept our curses, Delta,” Wyin said, aiming for sarcasm but coming out sad.

Wyin made a weird noise. Like she had stepped on a tack. It was a weird noise, but Delta supposed people didn’t hug her every day.

The thorns must put people off.

“You’re not a curse. You’re my lucky seed. You’re my second-floor boss and whoever you were? I don’t care.” Delta said, smiling as bright as she could.

“Aww...” Lorsa said, clearly grinning from behind Delta’s back.

“Let me break her neck. She won’t die from it,” Wyin muttered, furious.

“I got this,” Delta said dryly and with a press of power, a giant gutrot grew inside Lorsa’s wine just as she went to take another drink. There was a choking noise and Lorsa fell to her knees, grasping at her throat, eyes bulging.

“I’m dying... this is worse than... being shattered,” she spluttered and coughed. Delta turned and made a gutrot with pure energy, able to take a bite out of it with her avatar.

She met Lorsa’s afraid eyes head-on with only a single tear strolling down her cheek.

“You learn to love it,” she promised, brightly.

She could feel Wyin staring before she heard a deep throaty chuckle before it turned into gales of delighted laughter.

It felt good, like a spring breeze of new beginnings.

---

It was beautiful.

Grim swallowed once as they stepped down from the stairs leading to the third floor. The room was bathed in soft orange light as something atop a raised platform pulsed in rhythmic pulses. A heartbeat of warmth and sound.

Like an ocean rushing in before retreating.

The group moved forward, but the new guy, Alpha... took charge and Grim did not like him at all. The way he was stoic, the fact he was aloof in answering Kemy’s questions... the way his sword looked just right on his back or that confidence.

Nope, Grim did not like this poser.

He was some knight from a lame story. Deo was a much better hero... w-well when Grim wasn’t available, of course. Grim was naturally more likeable. He was organic.

He had a sidekick in Deo. That made him way better than Alpha...

Alpha was like Fairplay’s products... so manufactured. His justified mental rants were cut off when Kemy spoke, her usual bright and kind voice now reverent.

“Delta’s core,” Kemy whispered, bowing her head slightly as if seeing a miracle. It took a moment, but Grim slowly looked at the impossibly small orange orb on the altar, pressed between a stone pillar rising from the ground and one falling from the ceiling, sealing it in place in the air.

Mushroom statues decorated the four corners as two statues of Fran guarded the stairs leading up to the core. Watching them as if one hint of disrespect would spell their end.

Such a small thing created everything in the Dungeon. Something no bigger than a child’s toy ball. Deo moved forward, moving so fast that even Alpha’s attempt to grab him was too slow.

“HI DELTA! WE FINALLY GET TO MEET!” he said ‘gently’, halfway up the stairs.

“Get off her! You haven’t even wiped your feet!” Alpha insisted, blank face crinkling with disapproval around the eyes.

“Does anyone else feel... like really light in the head?” Amenstar asked aloud, calmly, but less... joking as he had been. and Grim frowned.

“No, but I taste something like regret and candy,” Grim said, his tongue fizzling.

“Mana poisoning. You’re all underdeveloped to be here for long. A normal dungeon would have killed you, Delta’s mana is... holding itself back, but she can’t stop this for long,” Alpha warned and Deo turned with a frown.

“LET’S MOVE ON. I DON’T WANT DELTA TO GET IN TROUBLE!” he insisted and climbed back down and ran around the core to push onwards through two massive gate-like doors that opened on their own.

“Won’t the mana be deeper down there?” Grim yelled, knowing full well Deo wouldn’t be able to hear him.

Alpha seemed to listen as if having an ear to wind.

“There is... a guest space ahead. Delta assures me that we will be safer there,” he promised. Poppy eyed him then leaned in.

“You smell like blood and tears,” she said bluntly and opened her massive pocket to pull a book out.

“Wake up,” she said to the book and Grim had completely forgotten she had a talking book.

“Where are we? I went for a nap and why am I soaking in mana? Dear goodness, is that a core?” Tom the magical tome cried before Poppy vanished as well. Amenstar patted Alpha once in a ‘she’s like that’ motion before he vanished as well.

Grim wanted to follow but something stopping him. He took a step forward... then another...

“Uh...” he said, alarmed before his own damn tongue yanked forward making him gag. He stumbled up the stairs and his tongue stuck to the core like he had licked the metal sign outside the school in the coldest days of winter.

This happened a lot when he was trying to discover what powers he had from his father and grandfather. He put both hands on the core and tried to extract himself but his tongue was adamant on where it wanted to be.

“Grim! You’re breaking so many rules! And also licking Delta! Stop!” Kemy said, speaking as she tried to pull him back.

“I can fix this,” Alpha promised as he reached for his sword and Grim began to really panic.

Delta’s core lit up with an ominous light.

There was a static discharge that flowed through Grim, up through the hands of Kemy, before it jumped to Alpha.

---

Deo paused in his unfiltered gleeful staring of the ‘Free Heal Hall’ which had all the food ever! The torches on the wall flickered as if their power sources were having issues.

They flickered once or twice before coming back to full blaze.

---

A screen flickered in front of them, despite the fact it had been directly messaged for Alpha. The shock must have scrambled the message badly. Grim’s hair was smoking, but he couldn’t stop looking.

Alpha!

You have reached Delta’s core and directly interfaced with the core! Two of the four are harmonizing. Please stand by!

3...2...1...

Alpha and Delta’s core began to glow.

It filled the room.

It filled... everything.

---

Zane slowly lowered the massive rump of some meat he had gotten off the butcher. He stared as from beyond the far treeline of the town, a massive orange pillar shot into the sky like a looklegendary dragon arising from some ancient prison.

It shot into the sky, blazing like a beacon.

---

From the frozen norths, in a deep valley. Beta looked skywards, tossing the dead body of the Yeti-Hags that had tried to feast on the World Tree roots, the snow around her flashed orange and her eyes dilated.

From the root, the old man kept her from simply flying off with intense knowledge of her greatest fight awaited...

The old man and her word.

---

In the eastern seas, in the mile-high seaweed forests that the great sea serpent’s skeleton was visible, a creature with the upper half of a scaled-goblin and the bottom half of a fish cut through legions of crabions. Their blood turning the sun above red.

The weapon in his hand shifted from a scimitar to a battle-axe like, melting between each shape with ease. The ocean, the very sky... flashed orange and the weapon halted, forcing the wielder to nearly break his arm at the sudden stop.

“Uh... well... that’s odd,” the axe said, speaking with a vibration that was louder in the water.

“Gamma, you swore your edge to end this war and get me my crown. You gave me your word,” the creature roared.

“I said I would. I just never said I would try that hard or when or how or really what crown exactly...,” the axe said slowly.

“And about being in charge? Uh, about that boss. Listen, I need to take a raincheck and to be honest... you’re not reeeallly king-material. Besides, you can handle these few hundred... maybe a few more... crab folk, right? Just do what you were doing before! Just without me... have fun!” the weapon announced and flew straight up, spinning hard enough to cut a space in the surface when it broke through.

The warrior stared as an army emerged from the seaweed forest... and he had no weapon.

---

Gamma landed on a nearby boat, his mana drained from the flight he took. That would take a week to get back to full...

The fisherman stared at the black and gold weapon that was now on his ship. Gamma didn’t have to try hard to make himself appealing.

“By ocean’s decree... you are the chosen one... the king of all... he of pure heart... take me up and claim your destiny!” Gamma wailed, trying not to yawn. The fisherman hesitated and he saw he might have to sweeten the deal.

“Claim your destiny and find the ancient treasure of the kings of long...long ago whos names are... forgotten,” he said gravely.

“Is it a royal fishing hook? I don’t really need money,” the man said and Gamma was silent for a long moment then he morphed into a black and gold fishing rod.

It was a weapon. Gamma had long learned if he convinced himself hard enough, anything could be a weapon. This did mean he had to do some work as an actual fishing rod just to get a ride back to the surface.

The first thing he caught was a bisected mer-goblin looking furious in death. He looked like a big crab had gotten to him.

“Looks like his meat will be stressed, throw it back,” Gamma insisted quickly.

“It’s got seaweed on his head, that’s like a meal wrapped up!” the fisherman complained but listened to him.

“It’s like a crown,” Gamma agreed brightly.

When Gamma finally ditched the fisherman later as he docked by enticing a nearby cabin boy of his destiny to save a princess, he focused on himself.

He felt pain and a fishing rod of gold was formed in the air behind him, landing silently by the napping fisherman who was far too trusting.

Idiots like him were hopeless.

‘Fishing rod of unerring accuracy’ form has been lost.

Gamma grumbled as the boy carried him off, talking about a sister and debt.

Gamma could sense a ‘cutting’ detour to the debt owners house coming up before he really got on the road to that feeling of ‘two’ in the distance.

The truly unnerving thing was his ‘quest’.

It used to read as...

Find the Hero and complete your purpose.

Now?

It was a little different.

Grimly make your way to the 1 and 4. A sharp tongue deserves a sharp blade to match.

Was that normal?

---

Beta stared at her screen. Was this normal? Did quests just... change?

Find honesty and reveal your true form. Take it kemly and slowly.

---

I can feel him on my knee!” Delta whimpered as she watched Grim peel his tongue off with effort.

Lorsa was staring at her and Delta stared back confused.

“What? Did I miss something?” she asked, baffled.

A weirdo was licking her knees, she was a little distracted!

Shrugging, she was sure it was nothing important.

Now... it was time to feast, celebrate, and defeat the rising undead army of dark god pieces and human cruelty using bone and metal as tools strike down all life in the name of the void.

Delta was good at all of those things.