Chapter 231: The Fox has always suspected this
Xiao Zai remembered Ru Long mentioning 'a long lost relative' bringing him to Zui the first he and Chu Yun met him. It made sense with the information Gu Wei was now telling him.
Ru Long probably knew about his twin sister.
Maybe he even knew everything about what happened to Xiao Yao. About the tragic events that led him back to Su and his sire.
Gu Wei looked pleadingly up at Xiao Zai, holding on to the sleeve of his golden robe. "I didn't know he was Xiao Yao's son. I would never endanger you. I had no idea what became of Xiao Yao's children, he never told me, I assume for their own safety. I hoped they were living good lives somewhere, unaware of their tragic beginnings."
Xiao Zai pulled his sleeve away from Gu Wei's hold. "But you would endanger Chu Yun."
He got up to his feet and stepped away from his dam, who looked at the distance between them as if it were a moat filled with snakes.
"What? I...," he schooled his expression into a mask of normalcy. "I didn't hurt him. I knew from Xiao Yao's example that he could survive the pregnancy."
Xiao Zai gasped. "Could? He 'could' survive it?"
Gu Wei stepped towards him, reaching for him, but Xiao Zai kept backing away. "I wanted you to have everything. And this was the only way."
Xiao Zai shook his head in denial, bile climbing up the back of his throat. "I didn't want this. I would have never have risked Chu Yun's life just to secure the throne."
A flicker of annoyance flashed in Gu Wei's face. "Then what would you have done? Would you have had a harem, to give you children? Would you have made an omega you didn't love your consort? Would you have exposed him to humiliation and ridicule, from our people, from his own?"
"We would have found an alternative! Chu Yun would have found an alternative, we-"
Gu Wei interrupted him with a derisive snort. "Chu Yun isn't infallible, you place too much trust on his shoulders." He advanced towards Xiao Zai, the indignation melting off his features. "And neither am I." He sighed. "I'm not trying to convince you what I did was right, I'm just trying to tell you I did it because I thought it was best for you."
"But you never told me. You lied, time and time again."
The two of them were almost standing on opposite sides of the bridge now, but Xiao Zai could still see the tears glinting in his dam's eyes.
"I knew you would refuse it, because I knew back then what you only know now: that you loved him," Gu Wei said.
He sagged against the railing of the bridge, looking frail and, for the first time in Xiao Zai's life, he thought his dam looked as old as all his years. "And I wanted you to have him. All I've wanted, for both you and your sister was the happiness I never had, not for a long time. I'm not asking you to forgive me -- nor do I expect you to -- but I'm hoping you can understand me."
Could Xiao Zai understand him?
Perhaps Gu Wei had done a better job at shielding him from all of life's hardships than he gave himself credit for -- because Xiao Zai could never imagine himself robbing another person of their autonomy just to make someone he loved happy.
Somehow, everything Gu Wei had gone through had turned him into the kind of person who thought nothing was off limits if it meant he got what he wanted.
"I can't be here," Xiao Zai said, looking away from his dam. "I need to leave."
He felt a keen sense of loss tightening his ribs like an iron band. He knew his relationship with Gu Wei would never be the same again.
Gu Wei didn't try to stop him, which was a good thing because Xiao Zai wasn't sure either of them would survive all the ugly accusations bubbling up inside him.
---
Chu Yun knew something was wrong the moment Xiao Zai wrenched the doors to their bedroom open. He didn't even need to see his bloodless face to sense his distress.
For a moment, his mind tried to relate it to the note from Xiao Ziyi telling them to go ahead with the plan, but he discarded it just as quickly. No, this was something much worse than a falling out between siblings.
He pushed away from the table and made space on the floor for Xiao Zai. "What's wrong? What happened?"
Xiao Zai's face crumpled, and he threw himself at Chu Yun, hugging him to his chest while sobbing openly on his shoulder. It was as if a dam at burst and Xiao Zai couldn't hold back his tears. He wept like a child, soaking the shoulder of Chu Yun's robes in minutes.
Chu Yun's heart beat frantically inside his chest. He hated seeing Xiao Zai in distress without knowing how to help him.
All he could do was hold him tightly, and wait for the sobs to subside.
Once they did, he realised that Xiao Zai had been muttering something under his breath, a litany of gasped, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"What do you have to be sorry for?" Chu Yun asked, a thousand terrible scenarios running through his mind like a stampede.
"Gu Wei, he--"
Xiao Zai couldn't finish the sentence before being overtaken by a fresh wave of sobs.
Chu Yun understood then. Xiao Zai had discovered the truth that Chu Yun had long suspected -- that his dam had something to do with his 'miraculous' pregnancy.
Nothing else would make him feel so distraught, and lead him to apologise as if he had done something.
"You have nothing to apologise for," Chu Yun said, running a hand down the back of Xiao Zai's hair. "I don't blame you, you did nothing wrong."
Xiao Zai looked up into Chu Yun's eyes, eyebrows pinched in disbelief. "You knew?"
"No, but I suspected it, from the start." He brushed his thumb under Xiao Zai's eyes collecting his tears. "But I never blamed you. I barely blame Gu Wei now."